"Nobody is prophet in his own country.
This line keeps me running through my head as I sit over lunch with my sister who I have not seen in many years. These days I'm enlightened guy, but you, I'm just the baby boys who could not make eye contact when she wore a bikini.
It 's summer '01, and we lunch in Lower Manhattan. Damnedest read a preview copy and had a few months to digest. It 'was very nice of him to read it, because in reality it is not their naturethe question. This is a good citizen, a successful executive, wife, mother, a Republican, tennis nut, Christian member-ish and all of the company. (He once told me that it was the education of their children to become productive members of society and I winced so hard that almost chipped a tooth.) She is a wonderful person, but not a member of the demographic the book speaks.
There is a plate of cold pasta and a salad in front of me before her. We're both drinking iced tea. She is runningcreative side of an advertising medium and have no doubt that it is very good. She is taking time from a busy schedule to have lunch with me. After that, go to the park to establish the grass and watch the girls play with dogs.
The visit of your sister and lunch should not be an ordeal of confusion, but it is. She is really my sister? What does this mean? We share the history and acquaintances, such as children and parents. If my parents really my parents? Geneticallyare connected to my body, but the person no longer lived my childhood. The past, I agree with that person is the most real and important to me as if I had read in a brochure.
The problem is that these people, my family, all my name on the shell, and I am not. You are looking at the outside Jed McKenna and assuming an internal Jed McKenna. I'm trying to Jed McKenna, and I do not remember what he said to do or say. It 's all true. I'm an actor playing a roleso I feel no connection and no motivation. Nothing can really be in my relationships with people that have to do with my outer garment. (All this is further tangled by the fact that there is no "I" inhabiting my shell, just a fading echo, but let's not go that way right now.)
In reality it is not really confused. I have not the slightest trace of doubt about who and what they are. The hardest thing is that who and what I do is this beautiful nameProfessional, salad-eating woman across from me. In coming to this dinner, I put in a situation where I do not belong. I am a deceiver. I have some residual love for my sister, and when he died I was sad to think that it was no longer in the world, but the simple fact is that our previous report no longer exists.
Okay, so why am I saying this?
Because that's what I do. I try to keep this thing for the display and this seems like ainteresting aspect of the affair. How do you relate with people who were most important before the awakening from the dream of a separate self?
Calls because they are in town.
"My astrologer told me it was a good time to escape or attempt to obtain something. They said that Rahu Ketu, not that I would not have accomplished anything for a while 'anyway ..."
I look and see that she has stopped chewing and stared at me swallowing centerdisbelief.
"What?"
"My astrologer ..."
"You're not serious. You have astrologers?"
Oh yeah. I think that sounds weird. I was vaguely aware that I was trying to be funny by adding a sentence with "My astrologer told me ..." but what is a bit 'funny to me is a different world from her. It could also have fun with it.
"I have dozens of astrologers can not swing a dead cat without someone to explain to my chart or just how my future will develop.advised me on almost everything. "
His expression does not change. "You have astrologers?"
"A lot. Gotta beat 'em off with a stick."
And they say ... you say what the future holds? What should I do? If you should do? Things to avoid? Is what we are talking about? "
"I suppose."
They chew, but the wide-eyed gaze remains. There is a gap in the conversation on those who try to convey a sense. You know, I'm insome serious madness, but not how or what. I do not have astrologers, of course, but it seemed in those days, as I have students from the Eastern and Western astrology, which is always very eager to share their readings was surrounded.
"What are you doing with all this information?"
"Me? Nothing. I mean, I do not know to ask. It's not that I wake up and charge the court astrologers to plan my day."
"Sounds like you do."
"I was speaking lightly."
Seekingskip merrily along the surface of this conversation. I do not want to fall into the kind of response that would give a serious student. The truth is that I do not have a mechanism that will allow me to be curious or concerned about the future, but I would say that is not vented to the conversation.
"Jesus," he says, shaking his head. "My brother has his own astrologers."
"Well, they are not really mine. You are talking about only in the presence of so."
I'm used to talkingwith people who are not careful and are not happy. Everything else is talk, talk the good talk, reinforcing the illusion of self. I'm not against it, I do not know just to participate. My fault.
'Well, of course, have a dramatic impact on your students, "she says as she sips her iced tea. I mull her statement and decide that I do not answer. I take another bite of pasta, I would like to order something with meat.
"I mean," he says,"I'm obviously very high esteem. This is a responsibility."
She thought, understandably, that she my big sister and we are having a meeting, quite a few 'catch-up lunch. He threw a curve with this little-brother/spiritual-master thing and she tries to deal with it. Maybe they think I'm a cheater? Perhaps you think I'm in a game? He thought that in all that I am still really his brother? I do not know and do not care much. The fact that theyReading means damnedest not you and I can say that means that they should know, can not. There seems to be clear on this point. Maybe she thinks that the lighting that is just my job and I can get out of that role, to be with someone who knows the real me.
"I do not know. I think it's a responsibility."
"You do not know?" Obviously these people are strongly influenced by you. She does not believe that a great responsibility? "
I shrugged my shoulders. The first thing I said, if weencountered was that I was not dressed well enough for the restaurant. This statement is so alien to me, I just shrug. Now it seems that every statement that makes it so strange to me that I can only shrug.
By accepting this lunch engagement, my hope was that I could slip back into my old character to maintain enough of a meal civil war. This was too optimistic. I can not spend more money on me and I'm just not able to formulate a response to everything he has to say, I forgot my lines.We do not want a common language and there is no way I show them he can. In their view, it says quite normal, conversational things.
"Yes, I think it's a big responsibility," I say, looking for something that I have something to say, seems to say.
She lowers her voice. "You hear a lot of people use the position that responsibility for unpleasant purposes .... I hope that would never do anything."
I could just tell them what thePreview copy of the book was to tell her that we no longer regards the name, because what they are now. But why do they say? To reply to me? It would not be. To tell her? It would not be.
"You mean sex stuff? Something like that?"
"Whatever. Power corrupts. I just hope that you'll be careful."
Sweet. Big Sister giving little brother some advice on how to shoulder the burden of power. Being in advertising, perhaps she thinks we have something in common, wielding the power ofInfluence people's thoughts. Maybe he thinks we are in the same business, I do not know.
I'm on my fork and sit down. "Go Now, when I go home, I always have someone to me with a" boom-box playing music theme for Darth Vader in a heavy air and threatening to give my approach. And I certainly do not like the dress. I know, the dresses, pearls, and I've always fresh flowers. Just trappings, all very boring, really, but the minions expect it. It 'been a while'Resistance to the surface, they call me Shri Shri Shri Shri Jed, but got the hang of it. It comes to mind is the first person plural and singular are talking about a little 'getting used to, but we, I mean, uh, I'm happy to make the effort. Noblesse oblige and all. "
She stares a moment, then bursts out laughing. I think some of the ice is broken, because we will continue in a more gentle and friendly, and finally say goodbye with genuinePreference.
I doubt we'll see ever again, but I'm happy to know that she is still in the world.
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